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6 DON’Ts for over-worrying, over-focusing on your child and being a helicopter parent
1• Don’t hover over your child. Don’t tie your 5-year-old’s shoes when he/she can tie or dress him/her when they can dress themselves.
2• Avoid talking to their teachers incessantly, or answer all your child’s questions so they don’t have to think of answers.
3• If your children hesitate to make their own decisions, try not to jump in and do it for them. let them reason it out on their own if they can.
4• Allow them to feel discomfort or pain; it’s part of growing up. Don’t prevent them from struggling or rescue them from life’s hardships.
5• Don’t try to get all your emotional needs met by your child. If you’re there at his beck-and-call and over-functioning for him (in other words, doing for him what he can do for himself), he’ll have a hard time functioning on his own in the world.
6• Don’t take it personally if your child doesn’t agree with you, or does things differently from you. If you get in your child’s head, he won’t be able to hear his own thoughts and beliefs. Even if he thinks differently than you, don’t argue with him over it—instead, invite him to tell you more. Don’t shut him down when he has ideas or opinions that are different from the ones you would like him to have, or insist on having the last word.
Children can’t learn if their parents are always doing it for them.
What’s the right approach?
I always suggest , “Pretend there’s a line delineating what you believe your kid can handle and what he or she can’t. Now, put your toe over it, just a little.” Let your kids try to do things that are just beyond what you think they can handle. In psychology, it is called the “expectancy effect.” Let your child experience the consequences of his actions. Let go of constant worry as a parent, and realize you can’t control everything your kids do—you can only respond to how they behave. Try to see their strengths as well as their struggles. You can avoid over-worrying and being a helicopter parent if you work on developing strong relationships with your children by getting to know them for who they are. This will allow you to let go of hovering, doing too much for your kids and worrying about them all the time, and best of all, it will help you become a calmer, more peaceful parent.
Dr.Shaveta Bhardwaj
Best Psychologist Therapist and Counselling in Jalandhar city.
